To my brother…..

Dear brother,

Some thoughts to share with you…..

I drive down the road to dads and right before I turn on to his road I look down the other way. I think “that’s where it happened.” I can’t drive there without thinking of the horrible day.

I look at the sweet baby girl I have been blessed with and wish that you would have been able to hold in her your big strong arms like you did to her older brother.

I think how you are supposed to still be here to protect this sweet girl as she grows up and scare away all the boys. I had many hopes of how you would be involved in my child’s life should I ever have a baby girl. But you are not here on this earth. Because you can’t do it we asked Chris to by her godfather. The next best thing to you. You grew up together, played together, got into mischief together, became men together. It just seemed right. I want my daughter to know about you. How wonderful and amazing you were.

I still get emails from a hotel as a preferred guest addressed to you from
when I booked a hotel for you when you went with friends to Montreal. It’s like if I hit “unsubscribe” it’s another way to make it permanent that you are not here. Not that it’s not already horrifically permanent enough. But every few months an email comes in….Dear Dan…..

I have a lot of your old report cards and some things from school. Don’t worry I won’t show them to anybody. They are safe and sound in your own personal file. I know you wouldn’t want anybody to look at them but man did you ever do good in gym and tech. Math & science…..mmmm….not your thing?! 😉

I just bought Dominic some more zip up pj’s. You know…the ones with the feet in them? Every time I zip them up I think of the time when you were his age and you zipped up a little too fast and kind of snagged your man parts. Eeek! Sorry bud….must have reeaaaaalllly hurt! I think you learned to zip slowly after that.

You know I like my chicken fried….cold beer on a Friday night…..a pair of jeans that fight just right and the radio up….. This song reminds me of you. It pops into my head randomly, I love playing it on my iPod and sometimes the kids and I have dance parties to it.

Some days go by fast and some seem a little bit longer. One thing that doesn’t change is that you are thought of often, still loved to the moon and back and missed largely.

Love
Sis
xo